I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
