I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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