Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so let's talk penis.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
