he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
