what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You took a bar mat shot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
