WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
