Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
