I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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