Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
