My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
