I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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