I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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