Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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