Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
