I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
whose parrot is this?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
