Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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