she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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