Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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