you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alive.
So much puke
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
