Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
