Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
