Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
