wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
