I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
