So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
love makes seman taste better
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
