I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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