oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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