Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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