Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A+ Viking dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
