if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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