I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
