my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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