Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
