After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
