I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
