Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize