Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
third nipple confirmed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
