i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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