Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
