there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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