batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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