When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
