come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
