Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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