I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
