I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
