Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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