i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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