im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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