I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
