dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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