good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
