Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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