You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
