i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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