so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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