Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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