She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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