That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
