You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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