I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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