just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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