Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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