So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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