too bad you live with your parents still
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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