the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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