I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just made my gag reflex go away.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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