"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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