sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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