It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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