my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
