So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
