I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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