TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
