Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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