There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
