I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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