At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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