I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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