I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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