Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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