Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
