I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
