no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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