Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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