In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
