after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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