My room smells like vodka and shame
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had to cum in my sink.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
