i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
